PONDERISMS

A girlfriend sent me this listing of

"Ponderisms".

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"

Life is sexually transmitted.

There are two kinds of pedestrians:  the quick and the dead.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.